I also filled in the blanks with some amusing lies (writers call that ‘enhancing the truth’, but I’m not that good a liar)!

So, the interesting tale of Selite’s first day (because my first day was really boring – and Selite was started like a week later, tops) begins… in the next paragraph.

I come home from a long day of doing something. In my hands, a box, it is green, and says “WORLD OF WARCRAFT: THE BURNING CRUSADE” or something. I install it, impatiently, while thinking of the character I would create very soon.

A mage, that much was obvious. They got to shoot fireballs and teleport places, and that was pretty freaking awesome. Race? Blood Elf, as my friend wanted me to play Horde with him, and I was like “AUGH FINE WHATEVER” and subsequently went and bought the expansion so I could do so while having a character model that I could stand looking at for 90 billion hours (also totally wanted to make one of those “cool looking see-through ladies with the waggle’ (I saw a Draenei Shadow Priest on my first day, and was like “dude, that looks awesome” – I still haven’t gotten a Draenei Priest to 40 to actually get that (or 30, whatever level it was) – some day).

I subsequently went and managed to log into the game. I typed my password in, slowly, as I was slightly nervous, as my hands were literally shaking with excitement (remember that truth enhancement I was talking about? Yeah, I think this may be it), as the character selection screen popped up, I hit the big “New Character” button, clicked away from the human male that I was presented with, and hit Blood Elf. Female.

I mucked around with her features. Somewhat pale skin, Red hair cut in that haircut that kinda reminded me of the villain lady from Captain Planet (not really, but I thought it was a great hairdo, as evidenced by the fact that I still have it on her) name… name… I am the worst at names.

This was the spot, where all her adventures began. She's come a long way.

Hit random. Seltie. Or was it Seliet. It was probably Seliet, knowing my secret method for making new names, which is…

Hit Random, change the order of two characters in the name.

I know, I’m a fucking genius. Anyway, this story has a longish way to go yet. I log into the game, which gives me some boring story about the Blood Elves which was most likely covered in the Warcraft 3 expansion. I find myself in the North Eastern corner of the world. Eversong Woods. I fly through the 1-5 area, and as I move out into the main parts of the zone, and am just taken away by the beauty of the zone.

Even at night, this zone is so very pretty.

Anyway, that more or less accounts what I can remember of Selite’s first day. Or evening, as it was. Tune in next time, when I will talk about my favorite memories from a really long amount of time spent playing videogames in a generally spoiler-free manner.

She’s only level 5, and I’m not in a mad rush to get her back on the leveling pace, because I just generally don’t care that much (how surprising, coming from the guy who took a year to get from 1-70 when he first started playing WoW (Arcane Mage leveling – not so great in retrospect, but I wouldn’t change it for the world)), but you know, yeah, whatever, man.

The important thing to note, personally, is the way Rift has given each Archetype (as I call them, as I figure ‘class’ is more like a ‘soul’ in Rift), and how both Rogues and Mages get 1 Healing soul (Rogues also get a Tanking soul, but I didn’t try that out), Clerics have several healing souls, that are a bit more traditional, and Fighters have no healing souls, because they are boring (:P)

This means I can be a cross-class Fire Mage (Pyromancer) / Affliction Warlock (Warlock) (also has self-heals on some of it’s DoTs) / Weird Healer (Chloromancer). This is kinda awesome.

Anyway, this has somewhat postponed me getting to new zones, to comment on how they are in the ‘giving me fun places to explore’, which is the main reason I like so many games that have been often called shit. (Also why Cata is simultaneously awesome (lots of ‘new’ things to explore) and horrible (all my old favorite places are no more))

Anyway, expect another Rift post around the weekend, I don’t know. Real life is continuing to be annoying in regards to giving me enough time to fit in study, let alone playing videogames, so yeah. Thanks, birthdays (other people’s) and optometry.

No, wait, he was like a Wrath Heroic player in Heroic ICC gear on steriods. On that last SFK run, he didn’t stop moving except for bosses and their stupid cutscenes. It was amusing, and as a class where I can just run forever and ever and ever (Enhance Shaman! What do you mean ‘mana’?) and even off heal like a pro (sometimes the Healer would run out of mana, or he’d need a throughput boost, whatever).

So, here are my very sparse notes about low level dungeons as a DPSer (what, I spend most of my time making new alts to get to level 15 and start healing low level dungeons with).

• Step 1:  Hit the fucking boss.
• Step 2: Use whatever cooldowns or whatever you like.
• Step 3: Hit the boss some more.

So, yeah. It’s not exactly complicated. Just for reference, here’s my 85 dungeons notes (this time for a mage, but whatever):

• Step 1: Cast spells at the fucking boss.
• Step 2: Use your knowledge of what things are bad to not stand in them.
• Step 3: INITIATE BURN PHASE. (Mana Gem + Mirror Image + Time Warp + Arcane Power)
• Step 4: Evocate.
• Step 5: Cast spells at the boss some more.

Okay, there are a couple of mage-only steps in there (BRUN PHASE!!!) (Brun is my favorite way of misspelling Burn), but it essentially is the same sort of thing, but with bosses with somewhat more difficult mechanics, and especially in Cataclysm dungeons, you should be aware of what’s going on (although, as a Healer I’ve seen players with an amazing ability to be unaware of things – especially in the Alchemist Trio fight that we’ve been fighting every single day for the last couple of weeks).

So, yes, I’ve so far given the amazing nugget of wisdom of ‘DPS is DPS all the times’. Yes, I know, I truly am the fucking Day9 of Warcraft analysis.

Anyway, now I will skillfully segue into the second part of this post, in which I talk about the other dungeon I did today (yes, I really did do a fair bit of dungeoneering today) which was Normal Lost City of the Tol’Vir.

Now, Iriai is pretty well geared these days (well, geared enough to queue for heroics, really she’s kinda very shitty geared), and this means that healing has become more easy. Which I have no problem with, because why the fuck would I complain about things being too easy?

The dungeon went pretty smoothly, nobody died, even when there was accidental pulls of extra groups, especially coming up to the third boss with the couple of HUGE FUCKING PULLS OF ANNOYING DUDES who are frustrating to kill without people CCing or properly focus firing, but really, it was not a real problem.

Notes, because I am feeling like stating the obvious:

• Step 1: Cast some heals.
• Step 2: Cast more heals.
• Step 3: Let DPSers die if you don’t have enough of the tasty blue bar to go around.
• Step 4: Cast even more heals.
• Step 5: Remember that you should be Judging for mana, and do that as the final mob is about to die.
• Step 6: Attempt to drink while the rest of the group runs quickly towards the next waste of your mana.

Okay, what else can I do… I know! I can talk about that one Battleground I did! Yeah, it was great, we 3-0 capped the shit out of the Alliance on the fields of Twin Peaks.

Yes, very interesting. Twin Peaks is nice for a change, I mean, WSG is great, but damn, I’ve been playing that map for like the entirety of my PvP career,  a new layout, a fresh lick of paint, and fun ways to run up and down the side of the map to get 3 sneaky caps.

Anyway, I’m grasping at straws a little bit here, so I’m going to call it a post, and send it along (also it’s time to watch TV and stuff).

This alt is a GOBLIN SHAMAN, and is taking the enhancement talent tree (ignore the fact that she has a shield in the picture below, I couldn’t find another 1h weapon to use – I’ve got one now), and she is kitted out with exactly two heirlooms.

Giggix is pictured above in the wondrous Lost Isles, which goes just a bit too long, perhaps? On the upside, she looks freaking awesome.

Also, you may want to ignore the somewhat messy UI, it’s just something I whipped up so I could play after 4.0, and it’s stuck because I am super lazy.

Still, it is my intention to level Giggix here up to 85, or at least 80, I’m kinda sick of some of the 80-85 zones at this stage (Vashj’ir & Deepholm), but whatever, man, I figure I have other alts to play, or I could make more (not without deleting one of my other alts, I’ve been riding the Server cap for a while here).

In other Alt based news, I have been playing my priest (Yes, the one from Project Loremaster ), leveling her with a friend & RAF, so we are blasting our way through zones at the speed of light, or something even faster.

Yes, she’s grown up a lot since last time, hitting level 32 as of right now. Yes, her guild (which is basically an alt guild for moi, and as such is only level 1 because of how shit guild leveling is below level 80), has jugs as it’s symbol, which was chosen by it’s previous leader, my other friend (although he didn’t really care about it much, or at all).

In other news, I’d like to take a moment to talk about the fact that the WoW blogging community lost a good man today (in an official sense), with Kriz of Frost is the New Black shutting up shop. This is sad, but it’s cool, because hey, he’s still around on twitter, and is blogging about the animes at Baka Laureate, so you know, whatever, I guess?

While I may not of agreed with him about frost (I irrationally dislike it), I certainly respected him, in the same sort of way I respect all of the dudes that stick with one spec like idiotic people (such as myself with Arcane), and in tribute, I present this picture of one of my many, many, mage alts that attempted to level frost (sorry it’s not a gnome).

And with that, I figure I’ve waffled on enough, and should probably go eat some. (I totally did, before coming back and adding on that bit about Kriz, and they were delicious). Catch you later, TwilliK out.

Okay, lissin gud, cuz im only gunna say dis wonce.

CAST ARCANE BLAST – AND DO ARCANE MISSILES WHEN IT PROCS.

As far as talents go, focus on buffs for these spells, and be sure to get the extra crit from… frost, I think it is. The mana refund from spell crits is probably not worth it, as it’ll only return a pittance of mana from the base cost from Arcane Blast (which is fairly cheap).

SO YEAH. GUIDE’D. Damn.

ANYWAY. Time for business. Post-y business.

So, today, I was totally being lazy in class and checking twitter (boring tutorial is boring), and there was this huge kerfufel (ker-fuf-el , basically a way of saying “silly-ish argument”) about how Volley being removed has made huntering basically the worst thing.

(ADDITION: Before we begin, I’d like to say, I don’t want to get in an argument with any of you, and I respect your opinions (or your right to one, at least). However, this is my turn, and I feel the need to tell you how stupid this whole thing is.

Also, I’m not really ‘for’ or ‘against’ AoE. Would be willing to trade the existance of all AoE spells apart from prettyful explosion (which I’d not be using for AoE anyway, because, well, it kinda sucks), for nothing. Nada. Zip.

ALSO: This post doesn’t really give any solutions to the Volley issuse, but I can probably think of a few. However, I’m not qualified to talk about them.

END ADDITION)

Now, I don’t play a hunt-, wait.

Okay, now that is out of the way, I’m going to say a bunch of stuff now, mainly focusing on how you are wrong and how AoEs are boring and also lame.

FIRST POINT: AoEing is about the most boring thing, and is kinda why this expansion has sucked a fat one.

I mean, really, on the whole, it’s been okay, but man, AoE is bor—–ing. It also doesn’t require any skill or fun. Also blizzard is a frost spell and people get all pissy when I cast Arcane Explosion (probably because it sucks/ed) .

Blizzard are trying to fix this by scaling down AoEs, but they are also trying to bring back CC a bit, so they can’t only have 2 man pulls (as Blizzard becomes worthwhile with 3 or more targets), because that’s boring as fuck. THEREFORE THEY DON’T REALLY WANT EVERY CLASS HAVING AN AOE ATTACK.

SECOND POINT: There are a bunch of people being all like “Now I can’t find stealthers when flare is on CD”. Okay. Fair enough. You know how I do that? BY DYING AFTER BEING AMBUSHED OR ATTACKED BY A STIFF BREEZE.

Seriously, if that is a real reason, then seriously I am going to have to go headdesk now.

POINT THE THIRD: AoE Grinding is the best way to do solo shit.

Two things.

1. Fuck
2. You

Solo AoE grinding is lame and I don’t even think there is a word to describe how lame it is. I’m talking like FFFFFFF- levels of lame here.

I’m going to talk about the past now. Back, before the stupid halls of LOLNAX, LOLDUAR, or ICELOL, back, in the storms of Netherstorm… s.

I was a proud(ish) member of the Scryers, a bunch of Blood Elves that were being all chilled and shit up in Shattrath City, but they totally hated these other Blood Elves, who were led by the King Prince of the Cosmos Blood Elves, but were being total dicks and stuff.

So I’m up there, killing these guys for their books and there shiny signets (which were probably made out of drugs for these chillaxed elves to get chillaxed on or something), and my normal fight pattern was something like this, I guess:

• Pyroblast
• Fireball (Perhaps Frostbolt, once)
• Fireball
• Fireblast

EXCITEMENT. Occasionally, if I accidentally bit off more than a single dude, I would cast the mighty PoM-Pyro, which would be really useful.

AND DEN there was this other mage that was there occasionally (He was Frost (also a Chinese Farmer, but that didn’t bother me so much)) his battles would be more like this:

• Run around gathering like 10-20 dudes and somehow not dying.
• Frost Nova
• Blizzard

THAT’S, that’s…. boooorrriinnnng. Boring as fuck.

ANOTHER EXAMPLE. Paladins, Argent Tourney. Fuckers.

• Fly In
• Gather all the guys
• Consecrate
• Divine Storm
• Etc.

BORING (also like totally unfair).

So, that rant being ranted. I feel that I’ve run out of things to say. So yeah. Hope I didn’t offend you too much.

However, through my many runs this year (like 10, but w/e) I have noticed that most players are either really bad in general, or are just dumb. (Not that I needed a event boss to figure that out, it’s just more exceptional here.)

With this in mind, I bring you…

TwilliK’s Rad Guide to Lord Ahune.

Now, the fight itself is not too hard. Phase 1, gather adds, kill adds (burning the initial big bad add that spawns at the beginning of the phase). Phase 2, burn CDs on the Frozen Core. Repeat if your DPS is too low.

However, there are some really dumb mistakes that I’ve seen people making, and have felt the need to correct, in fancy bullet point form.

• The Tank needs to be at the front, and needs to stand still for fuck’s sake.

Now, I know you’re all thinking that this is elementary, but I’ve only seen two tanks do this, the others are all running around the place like idiots trying to get all the mobs that have peeled off of them. I know that you think it’s important, but it’s really hard to AoE things when the whole pack is moving. Most DPS will stop to kill mobs that have peeled off to eat their (or the healer’s) face, just sayin.

• Every mob in the fight is immune to frost damage.

You know what that means, Fail Mages (as I have seen about 6 other mages do this)? Blizzard doesn’t work. AT ALL. This is a big issue, because it means we have to use Arcane Explosion (mana eater) or Flamestrike (which is a terrible AoE, but is alright here, if point one is conformed to). This also affects Frost DKs, as Frost Fever doesn’t affect them, which has led to many lols and wtfs among our zombie bros. (Just to make this perfectly clear DO NOT CAST BLIZZARD. Thank you)

• When you can attack the Frozen Core, stop whatever you are doing, pop CDs and kill it quickly.

This is the thing that will change the fight from a 5 minute kinda annoying thing into a 3 minute dream. The Frozen Core has about 500k Health, and is attackable for about 30 seconds (maybe? I don’t know, it’s not very long). Try and deal 5k-ish DPS over that 30 second period and he’ll go down without having to wait another 60 seconds or so for another go.

Anyway. That was all rather obvious tips, but the number of dumbasses I’ve been grouped with made me need to vent about it. Stay classy peoples. Twill, out.

Point One : Leveling Enchanting When Capped is a Pain in the Ass. (or LEWCPA, if you like acronyms)
Especially if you are a clothie, and can hardly solo Coilfang normals for mats, at least.
However,  it did give me one great method to get all the crap I need. Loremaster. Chances are, that you have quests from Outlands (and near definitely from old world, but you can solo 60 instances easy anyway) to do, as documented in the Quests-Outlands tab of the Achievement frame. So, pick a zone (I started with Hellfire, as it was the lowest, and I felt like it’d be fun-ish) and look for quests. You’ll get tons of cash (or a bit, whatever) and enough greens to sate your needs (pick weapons wherever possible though, as they are rarer (as you will get green drops as well), unless you specifically need dusts) unless you need lots.

Protip! If you make an account with WoWhead, you can be a sneaky unit and use their new features to see what quests are left in the zone for you to do, by using their client and uploading data. I personally didn’t need it for the Outland or Northrend zones, but think it might come in handy if I decide to get Loremaster on Selite some time. There are also several addons that will mark questgivers on your map for the quests that you have not yet completed (I’m fairly certain Questhelper will do this, and Carbonite probably will too).

Point Two : Even Then Enchanting Still Costs a Billion Gold. (ETESCBG)

This mainly the point that states why I’ve stopped at 350 (Heroic Greens and Blues DEible) instead of 375 (80 epics DEible) to get much further past 350, you need a certain rod, in this case it is the wondrous [Runed Adamantite Rod] or, to be precise, the hellishly annoying to get mats, otherwise known as [Primal Annoyance (Might)] – now, I know this seems slightly stupid, but you’d be surprised how hard it is to find an alchemist who is willing to transmute you one of those around New Years (perhaps that is the problem).

Protip! Be a Blood Elf, they get a bonus to Enchanting, so they can use lower level enchants to level their enchanting higher! (Also we are sexy, what more could you want?)

Now, to solve the mystery of why this post is called what it is, for the 3 people who will read this thinking it is something to do with some speech a guy made in the past (not that they would read to here). This is called what it is (obviously to anyone who has done a heroic since 3.3) because of the frankly scary number of [Dream Shard]s that you get running Heroics non stop.

Got it from Some Crazy DK lady who made this meme up or something. I don’t know.

WARNING. There’s a lot of snark here, but it’s all meant in the name of fun. If you are offended by swearing, caps, or me slagging off your class, then don’t read it.

What is the name, class, and spec of your primary dps?
Selite, ARCANE MAGE! Bringer of portals to Stonard and level 70 tables.

What is your primary dpsing environment? (i.e. raids, pvp, 5 mans)
I am a solowhore. (Which is really bad for a Mage, ne?) I’ll do 5 mans, occasionally, and I’ve been known to switch to fire and go LBing in AV, or playing any BG that isn’t Arathi ‘Hellhole’ Basin.

What dps spell do you use least for your class and why?
Frostbolt? I’ve used that less than 20 times EVER. I think. Out of spells that I might actually use, on occasion, it’s Pyroblast or Arcane Bearage (Barrage). Both are talent-obtained in my solo spec, neither gets used much.

What do you feel is the biggest strength of your dps class and why?
Our fantastic ability to not die in fires as much as you’d expect. When you can only take one tic of damage before dying, you get fairly good at not failing at the Safety Dance (lies) or at Thaddius (So good at Thad.).

What do you feel is the biggest weakness of your dps class and why?
The fact that we are not glass cannons, we’re glass ‘the same as everyone else, kinda’. If a mob even looks at us, we tend to be half dead. So, to put it better, we can’t do shit solo (because we DIE) and we deal okay (= lower than some hybrids = ANGER) DPS.

In a 25 man raiding environment, what do you feel, in general, is the best dps assignment for you?
Single target damage, PEW PEW PEW ON THE BOSS LADYMAN.

What dps class do you enjoy dpsing with most and why?
None. Preferable ones are ones that don’t need gear (because I never have anything drop EVER for me T_T) and if they post recount stats, they get /ignored ’till I remember to take them off.

What tanking class do you enjoy dpsing with least and why?
No preference. I am not so keen on DKs, as they can do everything and are SUPER OP TO THE FUCKING MAX. So DKs. Hate those fuckers, from a mechanical standpoint.

What is your worst habit as a dps?
That I hate everyone else in the raid for some reason or another, chances are, and I’m expected to fucking cater for them and port them out (or get kicked after the first boss in VoA for no reason whatsoever. Isn’t it funny that the fail DPS are always the leaders?)

What is your biggest pet peeve in a group environment while dpsing?
DPS that do more DPS than me, and spam recount in 5mans. NOBODY GIVES A SHIT. NO ONE. (that cares. You’re doing the best DPS, mr feral rogue? Get fucked, me and my hunter mates will be over here, crying.)

Do you feel that your class/spec is well balanced with other dps?
Yeah, we’re the ‘baseline’ that they’re balancing everyone else to. Don’t believe me? We haven’t had a significant change (in number or severity) since pre 3.0.

What tools do you use to evaluate your own performance as a damage dealer?
Did the boss die? Yes? Carry on then. No? Get kicked, sulk.

What do you think is the biggest misconception people have about your class?
That I would be happy to be their fucking meals on wheels taxi vending machine. GET FUCKED, YOU SHOULD OF ROLLED A SHIT CLASS IN BC TO GET THE PRIVILEGE OF PORTING TO PLACES THAT ARE USEFUL. Ofc, with a tip, sure, I can take you where you want.

What do you feel is the most difficult thing for new dpsers of your class to learn?
There’s something hard about pressing two different buttons? If they leveled a mage (not a fage, or a fail mage, or frost mage, whatever you prefer, they might need to learn to be good, who knows) they should know how easy we die.

What dps class do you feel you understand least?
… I have no idea. Warlocks, despite not understanding why, I understand how. Rogues, I dislike playing, but I understand. Hunters have guns, they shoot them. I’m fairly certain that that is all the DPS classes that would be DPSing in any of my raids. :P

What add-ons or macros do you use, if any, to aid you in dps?
I use a fuck ton of addons, but none are ‘dps’ enhancers. SBF, I guess, I have it give me easy to see bars for my procs/AB debuff.

Strength over other stats or balanced stat allocation, and why? Spellpower. Sure, haste is okay (but lame) and crit is fun (but for FIRE). There’s a reason we only gem +23 or whatever it was SP apart from setting up our meta gem or getting hit.